liFe..

Monday, January 28, 2008

is this all just another mistake.
looking back through this blog. almost all i can find is mostly negatives and downs of how my life has been. created at first for the purpose of another. now it has become my personal rant space. oh well not as if anyone really reads stuff here. will probably close it down soon.
my exams been bugging me again. and thus i am moody. lots of stuff for me to think through and all. making me even more moody. my attachment is coming up too. rawr.

call me a hypocrite.
i bow my head in shame.
i raise my hands to the sky.
and implore for mercy in time.

7:04 PM...i walked away

6 Wednesday, January 02, 2008

blah.
this is freaking annoying. can the damn school just make up their mind. firstly they turned down my application to do internship instead of FYP. so i had no choice but to do FYP next term. including attachment and all in the holidays. now. TODAY to be exact they tell me i have modules lacking and am not allowed to take FYP till i complete those modules. which also means i am stuck with two miserable freaking modules for the rest of the next term.
what. the. hell.
now i am. FREE. for pretty much the rest of the next term. taking two modules like in 5 days a week. oh how happy i am. *note sarcasm*
slap slap slap slap.
oh well school started today. and as usual had a self declared holiday and skipped school today. but oh well its not like i have ever attended the wednesday lesson.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

8:07 PM...i walked away

6 Friday, December 28, 2007

just had to say this. its been getting on my nerves and if i don't get it out. i'll probably crack up.
i have my own time and reason for doing things. pretty pissed off lately. if u don't know me. then don't act as if u know me and understand me and start assuming stuff about me and my life. it is as it is pissing me off. seriously.
after helping out in church today. i just took off. walked right out. went out for a walk. truth be told i was pissed off at stuff. and just had to cool down so yea went for a walk.
a million and one things i would love to say but yea. who knows who's reading.

help me understand why

10:32 PM...i walked away

6 Friday, December 21, 2007

life in a box
tried as it is, my best to stop it for the past three years. cursing and swearing. during the secondary school days, every word that came out was accompanied by a colorful phrase. friends in school knew me as that sort of a person. sometimes it hurts just to be known as such.
strange they find it, when i urge myself not to swear. it all was always a part of my vocabulary. maturing ahead looking back, its hard not to be sad to see the image i have set of myself. a tarnished image, of which would be imprinted on my friends hearts forever. keeping silent was the only way i could prevent it all from happening.
always felt that sealed away deep within us was a demon. chained as it is, forever straining its bonds to break free and have free reign over us. the only bonds that were holding it back was the willpower of ourselves. mine had a rampage over my life all throughout secondary school. even now it has yet to be tamed. curbing the tongue, slow to speak, quick to listen. harder then it really sounds. when you look back at all the things that you have done, you will find that speaking without thought was the main factor in messing up your life.
when first questioned on my religion, i replied that i am a Christian. the answer i got was "Really? you don't seem like one." blew me away. then i realized how bad it had all become. when life throws at you stuff you have to face, thinking a little before opening the mouth is really a good thing.
now looking on at all the kids that say such stuff, my mind is in a whirl. hypocritically i find myself pitying them for they do not know what they are doing. but on the other hand, what gives me the right to judge them, for he who judges will be judged. i am not much better off then them, in fact most of the times, i am worse.
people may not understand the importance of taming the tongue till it is too late. as for me, i have seen and understood how powerful words can be to affect and change people. the hurt that is within when people identify me as such a person, it cuts deep. people don't see emotions that i feel for they are buried deep within me. but it doesn't mean i don't feel it.
sharing with others about my life, how it has been, what i have experienced. its never simple. growing up in environments where i have stopped trusting anyone with my feelings and secrets. i dread sharing about my life. it means another part of me vulnerable to others. another weakness revealed. close friends who have known me for long times probably know me well enough to tell that i defend myself tightly. never letting anyone get too close, to know me too well.

don't feel really good.

2:37 AM...i walked away

6 Tuesday, November 27, 2007

i am tired. of it all.
school term this year is disastrous. the awesome thing is that the school has decided to do away with holidays in the mid term and thus everyone has to trot their sorry asses back to school right after their mid semester exams. awesome ain't it? before the mid semester tests rushing all we can to finish up our projects and assignments. not having enough time to study for exams. now right after the exams its back to school. isn't this great?
to top it off i am feeling pretty pissed off these few days. if Rodney Dorville had a brother he would be Koh Cheng Sing. these two lecturers are so similar. Koh Cheng Sing is my lecturer for a module this term and i am going to comment about him. oh yes. a long long comment. asked him more then five times this semester about a project. i asked him a question which was directly on the paper he gave us wishing he could clarify more specifically what i was supposed to do. all he said was "the question is not clear, so do what you think is right". what an awesome answer my man. spectacular. superb. splendid. #$%*&@.
if this was the case why the hell am i in school for in the very first place. i am taking electronics not some freaking comprehension skills class. okay so i do as i am told and do as i see fit. then he comes over and tells us what we are doing is wrong and that what we are doing is not according to what is written on the paper. well if he had bothered to explain in the first place what the hell could have gone wrong.
then he asks questions like "what is the frequency of this beep sound?" "what is the range of human frequency? what you don't know? thats common knowledge!" yea well man if my physics and memory was that good i wouldn't be in polytechnic or in this course for that matter in the first place would i. yea well thanks to this great lecturer my grades would be soaring in the opposite direction for sure.
on a side note. 2D1 chalet is coming up!! yea i am happy about that though quite a few people are not coming. get to reunite with friends and all that. yea i am happy.
results for this term is same old~ failed one considered a pass on the other and a final paper which i am quite pleased with. well all worries on the one i failed. hope it won't turn out to be another failing module.

SILENCE!! i kill u!

Jeff Dunham - Achmed the Dead Terrorist

9:19 PM...i walked away

6 Tuesday, October 30, 2007

smiles. yea a new post. oh yay. down to the real stuff. FACEBOOK!! now thats a really good reason to celebrate. not really into the friendster all that kinda stuff. but facebook is awesome. Awesome. AWESOME.
its fun. fun. fun. fun. and more fun. haha. just totally into it now. playing every game i can find. and the cool thing is that those simple "java look-a-like" games are interactive with all the other people in facebook including most importantly frends!! fun. well dont blame me. i lik fun stuff. it beats friendster hands down.
its e-learning week by the way. no school for a week but seemingly have to go down everyday to study and all that so not really a holiday. just a week with flexible - self set timetables. but who cares. since its like a break. and the only one i'll be getting in a loooong while. lets enjoy jus abit.
but on the other hand. its time for those JC pple to face their fate. A'lvls started. wishing them good luck. VERY good luck. and just hope they'll do their best. whilst i slack away at poly ._.
but then again. i like facebook.

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

simpsons. rawks.

11:26 PM...i walked away

6 Sunday, September 30, 2007

smile. a simple smile. its been plastered on my face for as long as i could remember. keeping emotions and feelings deep within me. i haven't gotten really angry for a long long time. i can't even remember when was the last time.
but seemingly some people just seem to forget that i am a human being too. sure i get annoyed at alot of stuff. but its a fleeting emotion. easy come easy go. anger. its a whole new ball game. sometimes you've got to know what is the limit.
on a random note. many people are telling me what to do, what not to do, whats right and whats wrong lately. but not always people see things the way you see them. in fact each person has their own unique viewpoint and perspective. it all depends on the way you see things. from different angles there are always different views. like a theft. u being the victim would surely think that it is wrong. but had you been in the robber's shoes you might have thought differently. in fact u might even think that it was the right thing to do or that it had to be done.
another thing that intrigues me. a glass of water filled up to half. would you think it's half full or half empty. a simple test that many or most would have probably heard of. but what intrigues me is that with such a simple test much about a person can be revealed.

Fame was like a drug, but what was even more like a drug were the drugs.

ahh. simpsons. truly entertainment.

11:14 PM...i walked away